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“For I hate divorce, says the Lord” —Malachi 2: 16
The
most trending news in Nigeria at present, apart from that of Ebola and
terrorist attacks, is that of the impending divorce of charismatic
Pastor Chris Oyakhilome of the Believers’ LoveWorld, better known as
Christ Embassy which The Cable broke last Friday, August 29, 2014.
Gossips are having a field day. Tongues are wagging. How are the mighty
fallen and the weapons of war destroyed? It is not the first time a
reverend, pastor, bishop, evangelist or any cleric for that matter will
divorce.
Unless
you’re not on top of the news. It is happening daily. The list is
growing both locally and internationally. Incidentally, a neighbour to
Pastor Chris at Oregun in the Ikeja area of Lagos and his namesake, Rev.
Chris Okotie, has even broken a record by divorcing twice, the last one
being in June 2012. Internationally, there was the case of the revered
tele-evangelist, Pastor Benny Hinn, who earlier divorced his wife,
Suzanne, and later remarried the same wife.
It
needs be said that there are several other pastors and clergy out there
whose marriages are in the shambles. They are living with their spouses
like familiar strangers. Many have not divorced out of sheer fright of
scandal. Others are papering over the cracks in their marriages in
deference to God’s injunction in Malachi 2 verse 16 cited above while
praying and hoping for restoration.
First and foremost, it needs be understood that pastors are human beings...
They
are mere mortals like you and me. They are only privileged vessels
chosen by God to do His work on earth and communicate His mind to us,
the laity. Pastors have psychological and physiological needs like the
rest of us. They want to be loved, respected and ministered to. I pity
those who make God of their spiritual leaders. Who thought they are
infallible and are superhuman? Those are the people who are utterly
disappointed when a supposed “man or woman of God” falls.
In an article in The Diaspora Star (online edition), Ekerete Udoh while
commenting on why pastors are afflicted with divorce has this to say:
“Even though they are the very representatives of God on earth,
listening to His command and transmitting the same to us, they too can
be overwhelmed by the glittering spectacle of the environment,
spectacles that daily befuddle our thoughts and confuse our capacity to
think clearly and do the things that are edifying; they too can take a
pass on the messages they have transmitted to the flock and read from a
different script. Even though they daily counsel couples on the way to
live with their spouses, to love, cherish and obey their loved ones,
they too are not immune from the fissures and complexities that afflict
the institution of marriage.” True talk!
Ekerete went further, “Put simply, the institution of marriage as it
affects the men and women of God is under assault. Infidelities,
divorces and outright emotional cruelties have been reported about
cherished men and women of God. Stories of uncontrollable sexual
dalliances, of severe addiction to pornography, to adultery abound,
leaving the flock to wonder if they indeed are true men and women of God
or are spiritual pretenders. In most cases, mega churches built over
years of hard work and dedication have collapsed when the congregation
couldn’t reconcile the double-ways of the lives of their pastors when
the dark sides of their lives came out.” Well said!
I am of the opinion that Pentecostalism is partly responsible for this
increasing rate of divorce among pastors. How do I mean? African
Traditional Religion and Islam do not frown on polygamy. If you’re an
adherent of these two religions, you’re free to marry more than a wife.
Also, in many of the orthodox churches, polygamy is not a mortal sin. I
know many of the white garment churches like Celestial Church of Christ
and Cherubim and Seraphim churches are not against their members or
pastors marrying more than a wife. Their main argument is that Bible
patriarchs like Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon, to mention a few,
had more than one wife. In fact, Solomon, the acclaimed wisest man of
his time, had 700 wives and 300 concubines. It is the latter day
Pentecostal churches that criminalise polygamy and punishe those who
marry more than a wife with excommunication. The Pentecostals are quick
to quote scriptures like Genesis 1:27 and 2:24, and 1 Corinthians 7:2 to
support their stance.
What has polygamy to do with soaring divorce rate? It is my considered
opinion that since the cause of many of the divorce cases is hinged on
adultery; peradventure, if the Pentecostals were to allow polygamy, this
will reduce cases of adultery and concomitantly, stem cases of divorce.
However, a holistic picture of reasons for divorce will show that apart
from sex, there is also the element of poverty; that is, a man’s
inability to cater to the needs of his family. Many of the common
arguments women who sue for divorce cite are adultery, lack of welfare,
neglect, molestation, assault and battery or simply put, violence.
Though in the case of men of God, the issues often centre on adultery,
neglect and psychological violence.
In the earlier cited article by Udoh, he advanced a couple of reasons
for the divorces of men of God. This includes tempter ladies who use
feminine tricks to sexually compromise men of God. The other factor
cited is ego. According to him, a number of marriage counsellors spoken
to say the case of the men of God and their marriages present a unique
set of challenges: “There are some members within the congregation who
are motivated by the need to test the depth of spiritual and moral
foundations of these men of God. They will dress provocatively and tempt
these pastors with their feminine wiles and looks. Some have been found
to have fallen for those temptations and subsequently sacrificed their
marriage in the process…”
On the issue of ego, the writer has this to say: “Another issue that has
led to the dissolution of most marriages of men of God is ego. Most of
these men are used to having people obey every word they utter; they
have a severe sense of entitlement and most times do not expect contrary
opinions. Unfortunately, they often bring this tendency home to their
wives and loved ones, creating in the process alienation, resentment and
a deep emotional gulf between them. On the surface, they may cut the
picture of happy couples, but inwardly, those outward appearances are
facades.”
What is the way out for the clergy? I think they need to watch and pray.
They need to come to terms with their weaknesses and try to seek help
on time before they are destroyed by their foibles. I like pastors who
have taken preemptive measures of not going on visitation without their
wives and who counsel people in the open and if in private, in the
company of their wives, particularly when counselling ladies. I also
appreciate churches that encourage congregants to dress modestly and
decently. Beyond these, the congregations need to pray for their
pastors. Indeed, we are what we are by God’s divine grace.
BY JIDE OJO
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